User Journey Volume 2: The Custom Dimension
Welcome back to the Cookie-verse, do you give consent to listen to User Journey Volume 2?
Josh Silverbauer & Friends are back with volume 2 of the world’s greatest analytics rock opera!
Thanks to all those who listened and supported Volume 1: Universal Sunset, we’ve got another 14 tracks of analytics-inspired music, puns, and increasingly thinly-veiled topical references.
At the end of volume 1, Cookie found himself alone and adrift, unsure of what universe he might call his new home. He thought his adventure might be over, but it turns out the multiverse is a big place with lots more to explore. Due to a HyperLogLog++ cardinality estimation error, we’ve lost track of what step of the hero’s journey Cookie is on now, but expect a trilogy!
Listen to The Custom Dimension on any streaming platform, or right here on this page.
Full Album: The Custom Dimension
Contents
The Full Story
Intermezzo (1)
Track 2: Prologue (read by Jim Sterne)
Cookie slowly opened his eyes and looked around at this new place he found himself in. Where was he?
He remembered listening to so many different universes, but he couldn’t remember ever choosing one. Yet here he was. This wasn’t his old universe, this was somewhere new and strange. Had the choice been made for him?
When he listened, all he could hear was the faint ticking of a clock far away in the background. Or maybe it was many clocks? The ticking was incessant. Cookie cocked his head, his long pointed ears searching for the source.
As his eyes adjusted, he started to see clocks everywhere. Some were tiny pocket watches, and some had faces as big as mountains. And they all showed the same time, 4!
Four O'Clock All Over (Sung by Cookie)
Track 4: The Professor's Warning (read by Siobhan Solberg, with Simon Poulton as "Professor Piwicky")
Annoyed and frustrated, Cookie smashed a rock against one of the great clock faces. It wasn’t like Cookie to be violent, but he just couldn’t help himself.
From behind the shattered clock, a small wingless bird hopped out and raised its long beak to address Cookie.
With a clear and melodious voice the fluffy Kiwi bird introduced himself and said, “I’m sorry, but afraid you mustn’t smash… nor slice. Nor drill nor dice. The guide is, of course, quite clear.”
The bird’s name was Professor Piwicky, and he was a friend of the Great Tag Magician. Not just a friend, but the wizard’s familiar — and a way for him to continue to help and advise Cookie. The diminutive professor leapt up to Cookie’s shoulder and began to teach him the rules. Dimensional travel was confusing, and without rules he said it could be dangerous.
Track 5: Ethical Guide to the Multiverse (sung by Professor Piwicky)
Track 6: Safely Exploring (read by Piotr Korzeniowski)
With Professor Piwicky on his shoulder, Cookie began to jump between the different universes, just as the Great Tag Magician had promised him he could. While at first the wizard’s gift had seemed full of promise and excitement, Cookie began to realize that no universe was perfect. Plus the rules of the ethical guide were a lot to remember.
As a dimension-hopping green alien with a flightless bird on his shoulder, wherever Cookie went he seemed to attract attention. Stepping forward to meet Cookie with a friendly smile and a firm handshake was The Representative. The Representative was one person, but they were also many people — each ready to give Cookie a quick tour of their shiny new universe.
Track 7: Next Big Thing (sung by The Representative)
Track 8: A New Friend (read by Julius Fedorovicius, with as Alexander Brooke as Olap)
Weary from the endless hunt for the perfect universe, Cookie sat on a park bench, his head drooping low. Professor Piwicky had already returned to his master, satisfied that Cookie had heard all the rules of the guide.
Cookie missed his old friend the Space Urchin and wished that he was here with him now. Maybe he could find a new friend?
“You look lonely over there, my good man! Perhaps I can be of assistance!” said a friendly looking fellow with thick glasses on a nearby bench. At first Cookie thought it was the Representative again, but it wasn’t.
His name was Olap, and he was a wizard’s apprentice, eager to introduce Cookie to his master. Cookie was a bit suspicious, but then he remembered that The Great Tag Magician had shown up at just the right time too. Maybe he should meet this new wizard.
Track 9: The Star Schemer (sung by Olap & The Star Schemer)
Track 10: Dotted Lines (read by Lea Pica)
The Star Schemer seemed to have all the answers for Cookie. Both similar and yet so different from The Great Tag Magician, Cookie was astounded by this new wizard’s magical prowess. Olap said that unlike most other wizards, the Star Schemer was happy to share his powers. All Cookie had to do was sign his name on a sheet of paper that said he wanted to learn from the wizard.
As Cookie tried to read all the tiny big words on the paper, Olap leaned down and said that Professor Piwiky meant well, but that all these rules just made everything harder. Olap even said it was the rules that had caused Cookie’s universe to be sunset in the first place. That made Cookie mad and a bit scared. Cookie figured he should at least listen to what Star Schemer had to say…
Track 11: Join Me at the Table (sung by Star Schemer)
Track 12: Slice & Dice (read by Fosca Fimiani)
Inspired and empowered by the Star Schemer, Cookie began to borrow different parts from each universe he’d visited during his long journey. He was excited to finally have somewhere he could call home forever! With the Star Schemer’s gift, he was able to slice off parts of other universes and combine them to build his own.
He hadn’t had this much fun since the old days when he’d stay out late with his friends. It was a lot of work, but it would be worth it.
Track 13: My Very Own Custom Dimension (sung by Cookie)
Track 14: That Little Voice... (read by Fred Pike)
Cookie had been working hard and having a lot of fun, but somewhere in the back of his mind he started to worry a little. Where had Professor Piwiky gone? Why hadn’t the Space Urchin been able to find him? His custom dimension was almost done.
He started to think about the Professor’s guide. Was his new custom dimension against the rules? No… The Star Schemer was ethical, he had said so himself! Plus The Star Schemer was a wizard, and who was Cookie to argue with a wizard? Everything was going to be just fine, he was sure of it.
Album Credits / Demerits
About
Nobody complained too loudly about the first volume, and we all know it’s just a matter of time before AI can do everything for everyone… So we thought better get on with the analytics rock opera-ing while we can.
Credits
Josh Silverbauer: lyrics – music – production – mastermind – cookie’s alter ego
Jason Packer: guitar – narration words – unindicted co-conspirator
Benjamin Appel: “Professor Piwiky”, lead vocals on #5
Luke Sirinides: “The Representative”, lead vocals on #7
Pete DiLorenzo: “Olap”, lead vocals on #9
Rocky Kerns: “Star Schemer”, lead vocals on #9, #11
Rachel Silverbauer: backup vocals #7, #13
Taphy Spencer: backup vocals on #7
Nina Wilkinson: violin on #5
Fred Pike: mandolin on #5
Carter Green: trombone on #11
Narrators
Jim Sterne (#2)
Siobhan Solberg (#4)
Simon Poulton (#4)
Piotr Korzeniowski (#6)
Julius Fedorovicius (#8)
Alexander Brooke (#8)
Lea Pica (#10)
Fosca Fimiani (#12)
Fred Pike (#14)
Mixed & Mastered by Carter Green at Green Jeans Studios
Glossary
Inside the cookieverse…
Dramatis Personae
Blue Space Diva: Cookie’s first friend in his journey, who encourages Cookie to look inside himself for answers.
Space Urchin: Cookie’s trusty steed.
The Great Tag Magician: A wizard who gifts Cookie with the ability to travel between dimensions.
Professor Piwiky: A wise and fluffy kiwi bird. The GTM’s magical familiar and master of the rules of the ethical guide.
The Representative: The overly-friendly welcome greeter to each new dimension Cookie explores.
Olap: An apprentice of Star Schemer.
Star Schemer: A wizard who encourages Cookie to take matters into his own hands and make his own dimension. Definitely not evil.
References & Terminology